The events of yesterday brought back a lot of memories from the past, specifically that fateful day in 2006, where my team got eliminated from the 1st round of Netball Nationals.
As a young kid, the world I know of is really tiny and I thought that I can achieve anything as long as I work hard enough. This ignorance about everything made life then so much easier and more fun. I played netball because I love playing netball and I love my team. If I remember correctly, we got North Zone 2nd and I felt that was quite remarkable. I thought that we could achieve the same results in Nationals. How gullible was I.
There were 3 matches in the preliminary round. First game against Marymount and we lost. We didn't play well. We won the second game so the third game was the deciding game if we could proceed to the next round. The opponent (I can't seem to remember which school, I think my brain is trying to protect me from bad memories but anyway) is strong and somehow, deep in our hearts we knew that even at our best, they might still not have a chance. Nevertheless, the team fought all the way to the end, hanging on to the little hope given by our ignorance, that we can win this game if we want it bad enough. When the final whistle blew and the other team didn't jump in joy, I thought we had it. Thinking back now, I can't believe how stupid I was. I thought we won.
But the truth soon came crashing down on me. Tears kept flowing and no amount of encouraging words and hugs made me feel an ounce better. Despair escalated when my Coach tried to hold back her tears but failed and ran to the washroom. That is the worse. Really. All along, my Coach was the one who encouraged us, gave us confidence and made us worked hard and harder. She believed in us. To see our pillar of support fall, that was really the worse feeling ever, not because we didn't win but because we let her down. And I, the captain, had the greatest responsibility. After that, everything was a blur. I vaguely remember the other team getting punished and the other Coach coming over to thank us, saying we truly played a good game of netball, unlike his team. But that did not not matter anymore.
When I was finally able the survey that day's event objectively, I told myself to never let that happen again, no matter what. I am determined to play in a team that will not lose, that will not disappoint and no doubt IJ was the right choice. Of course, in my 4 years of netball in IJ, I did have some regrets, but none was as poignant as that in P6. Maybe because I had the idea that if we don't play well, up to our standard, Coach will get angry obviously, but that will be all. After all, she had coached so many teams and must have been through many disappointments, and it won't matter as much to her if we didn't play well. To a certain extent, my image of Coach was devoid of most human feelings.
Until yesterday, Coach is my eyes was strong and formidable, nothing, nothing can ever take her down. But when she sent that text message, saying those particular words, I didn't know how to react. That was not the Coach I knew. There is a crack that I never saw in my pillar of support. Suddenly, there was a strong need to defend her, to show her that things are not as bad as they seem, she can still count on us.
