The English Paper

Tomorrow, I will be seating for my O level English paper. The one subject I have worked so much harder for and failed myself so many times before.

For the past few months, I have tried everything I can think of to improve from english grades. From listening to BBC to trying to adopt an accent (luckily, I failed miserably) to organising a 'Speak good english campaign' to Read-newspaper-everyday-movement to start learning english for the very basics. True enough, my english did improve but the question is by how much and if it is enough to secure me a good grade (A1 or A2) for the upcoming exam? I sincerely hope that I will do myself proud and prove that hardwork is the key to success. Never mind all those people with a natural flair in this language, I can be as good as them if I put in twice, thrice the amount of effort.

The confidence I have in doing well for this subject is as fragile as a sheet of glass. When it is going good, it is going great. However, just one flick scratches it, one knock breaks it. The intense pressure to write as well as the previous essay, not even better, is sometimes overwhelming. If you think after failing myself so many times, I ought to have gotten used to it but everytime just feels like the first time. Yet, this process of failing is the most important factor to my possibly success.It is exactly this feeling of defeat that I try so hard to do well. It is because after going through all the pain that I imagine the taste of success will be so sweet.

Apart from this, support from my teachers and friends is a crucial factor to my possibly success too. Sometimes, knowing that somebody believes in me when I am at the lowest and cannot possibly believe in myself gives me the reason I need to fight the uphill battle all over again. Even though the outcome of this battle is not out, somehow I know that the result does not matter as much as before.

Honestly, there is nothing much I can do for the next 17 hours to make a significant change. All I can do now is to believe that my best is enough.

Tomorrow, I will be seating for my O level English paper. You know what, I'm am going to trash it!

If I can write like this tomorrow...